I wasn't sure if you wanted a critique, but I just saw this box and the button and just wanted to press it ^^
Alright, I'll start with edits:
"So don't any attention to those guys" Did you mean to say, "...don't PAY any attention..."?
"I don't know where to turn any more." "anymore", yes?
Alright, now the fun part!
This seems pretty cool, I'm just saying. I wasn't expecting such a beginning piece. Can I just say, that I admire your narrative descriptions? For first person, many fail to grasps such narration for the beginning. Most jump, but yours has this nice introductory flow.
I'm a bit curious as of where you plan to take this story. For it to be a fantasy and "yaoi" piece, if I may, it seems like the plot would be interestingly creative. I love things that don't normally mix. Unique work is the best work in my opinion.
So what are these Maelvores? They seem interesting. Or, maybe it'll be sad to kill these things. I have no clue. You've left so much to go on and it allows a great hook for readers so they want to go ahead and click your next chapter. That's always a plus.
In all, great work. This is a perfect introduction to your story. It has many appealing qualities to it already, and I hope that it'll only get better from here ^-^
I'm honored by your decision to read this, and the time you took out of your life to read it Thank you soooo much!
Since this is a work in progress, and I want to share as much as I can, Maelvores are initially people with same-sex tendencies, corrupted by the 'holy magic' that's supposed to 'cure' them of their unholy, sexual desires. The 'holy magic' deepened their insecurities and heartbreak, transforming them into the Maelvores. As the story goes on, friends and families of homosexual people are turned into Maelvores. Ultimately, everyone but those 'chosen by the gods' are turned into Maelvores. Needs polish, I know
Thank you, very much. Even if you hadn't liked my writing, you still would've given me friendly, helpful feedback. Thank you for being so awesome!
You're very welcome ^^
0.0 Oh, I see. That sounds very interesting ^-^ This seems like a very creative story. I really love the idea, personally.
No problem. It really is a great piece and I can see it honestly progressing beautifully.